Top Five: Things to do in the Bronx for 5 1/2 Hours

Good Things come to those who Wait....Unless your a Yankee Fan

When the New York Yankees and the Washington Nationals finally played this past Thursday after a nearly five hour and thirty minute rain delay, I could only think of one thing….

If I spent what it takes to get tickets to the House that Steinbrenner built, I would wait all friggin day and night If I knew there would be some kind of baseball activity going on after the wait. Even if I knew that one of teams was of Double A Quality….(of course that turned out to be the Yanks after they lost 3-0 to the Nats, the 18-46!!! NATS)

For most of the fans, they didn’t want to wait it out and figured that if anything, the Yankees would own up to this insane rain delay and give out like a free ticket or something to the fans that didnt stick around the South Bronx.

Once the game began, the Yankees would let people move down to better seats, (NOT THE MOAT SEATS, ONLY BRENDEN AND HANK ARE ALLOWED ACROSS!!!!) and sll the people who had tickets, even the ones who stayed got free tickets to another game.

But after all that, I was wondering, what are the Top Five things that people could have done while waiting all that time to finally see the Yankees end up just mailing it in against the worst team in Baseball.

Well, after some careful thought and a shot of Smirnoff or five, here they are, The Top Five things to do in the Bronx for 5 1/2 Hours….Enjoy!!

5. Figure out everything wrong with Alex Rodriguez since he joined the team.

Not clutch, a pretty boy, a walking head case, steroid user, overpaid….Its a start and we all know there is more then enough things to mention to fill up a good 5 1/2 hours.

4. Place bets on the amount of accidents on the Major Deegan Expressway.

On a rainy day during late afternoon and rush hour traffic, whatever your buddy is giving you as a number, take the Over.

3. Name the entire Washington National Roster

Ryan Zimmerman….Adam Dunn….uh….uh….Ryan Zimmerman, no wait I said him already, Oh wait I got one, Adam Dunn, right?….I mentioned him already? Damn….Well I’m stumped.

2. Talk about Joba being a Starter or a Reliever

He Should be a Starter!….No, He Should be a Reliever…..Your a Moron!….No Your a Moron!….(This could take longer then 5 1/2 Hours)

1. Try to guess how many empty seats their would have been for a 1 pm game against the Nationals on a good day.

Good luck with this one, All I know is that, if your a Yankee fan who decided to spend his or her day going to an Afternoon game to watch them play the friggin Nationals is a die hard of epic proportions. Of course if you were one those crazy bastards that stayed through the rain delay, you deserve a Medal.

Well, I couldn’t think of anything to do better in the Bronx then those five things right there….Agree? Disagree? Tell Me about it in the Comments and Have a Nice Day!

– The Falk

Even the A-Rod Book Doesnt Come Through in the Clutch

Selena Roberts = Epic Fail

Lets rewind a few months ago when Sports Illustrated broke the biggest story to date in Baseball when it claimed Alex Rodriguez had tested positive for Steroids.

The author of the article, Selena Roberts was all over Television and was becoming the female version of Woodward and Bernstein.

A-Rod had been found out and Selena was being looked at this great author who then was gonna hit the double play with an entire book about A-Rod that would come out right around the Opening Day for the Yankees at their new ballpark. It was gonna easily be a best-seller.

The A-Rod got hurt, so the publisher moved the date back of when the booke would debut and it seemed only perfetc to have the book come out when A-Rod returned.

Yet, as we all know….Life isnt fair.

Lets have the AP explain this further.

Remember that tell-all book about A-Rod?

Just a month after making headlines with its allegations that the New York Yankees star likely used steroids as far back as high school, Selena Roberts’ “A-Rod: The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez” has vanished from best seller lists.

Published in early May by HarperCollins with an announced first printing of 150,000, “A-Rod” has sold just 16,000 copies so far, according to Nielsen BookScan, which tracks about 75 percent of industry sales. The book sold 11,000 in its first week, then quickly faded.

At the Rizzoli Bookstore in midtown Manhattan, “A-Rod” has sold two copies. Twenty-seven copies have sold at Posman Books, based in Grand Central Terminal, but none in the past two weeks.

“I don’t think he’s ever been embraced by serious fans,” Logan Fox, a manager at Posman, said Wednesday. “He’s still considered an outsider.”

“A-Rod” fell off The New York Times’ hardcover list of nonfiction best sellers after three weeks, peaking at No. 9 in late May. As of Wednesday afternoon, the book ranked No. 2,904 on Amazon.com, where even James Frey’s discredited memoir “A Million Little Pieces”—at 1,776—is outselling it.

Ouch Selena, that really sucks for you.

It seems that not everyone can have their cake and eat it too. The Yankees have been rocking and rollin since A-Rod came back and he has been helping the Yankees fight for first place.

I hope the extra copies of you book keeps you warm at night Selena…..by using the books to help start a fire.

– The Falk

Moron of the Month: Brett Farve

The Tears just get funnier and funnier

Hello Everyone, the friendly neighborhood Falk is back (Cue the theme to Welcome back Kotter) and is giving you the June edition of the Moron of the Month.

For this month, SWH has decided that the winner is Brett Farve!

He has a wonderful career in Green Bay, decides to retire, comes back to the Jets, ruins them, retires and even though he said he wouldn’t come back….Guess What!

Ta-Da

Brett Farve is about to make another comeback after having surgery on his shoulder as reported by ESPN aka the All Farve Network

Something he refused to do when the Jets told him he should do that and now after they offically released Farve, he’ll get to go to Minnesota and help set them back all so he can get back at the Packers for not letting him comeback.

Brett Farve….You sir are a Moron and join the ever growing list of Morons of the Month here at SWH.

The only question that remains unanswered is whether or not John Madden is on his way back too…..

Watch out Chris Collinsworth, your time is running out quickly.

-The Falk

Extra Umpires Cant Help Blue Jays

(for updated info on the fake umps in Yankee Stadium on July 3rd, click here)

While watching the Yankee replay this morning on the YES Network, I noticed something odd going on in the seats behind home plate and to the left of the screen. Guys dressed as MLB Umpires doing the same motions as the real ones on the field.

They of course didnt help out their beloved Blue Jays as Andy Pettitte was able to shut down those Canadian bats to lead the Yankees to an 8-2 Win, but the stars of the night are the two guys above.

Now its not known as of this point who these guys are, but I really want to know where exactly they found those uniforms and which one of em was the genius that came up with this idea.

I mean its almost like someone going to a Star Trek convention and dressing up as the Security Guard working the Spock autograph station.

Of course when you can get the legendary Ken Singleton and Al Leiter to become distracted and have them laughing throughout the entire 4th inning, then you have done something productive.  

Many kudos to you guys, you crazy Canadians, its good to see that during another playoff-less year by the beloved Maple Leafs that the baseball fans up north can be creative and humorous all at the same time.

Added at 11:50 pm

Here is the Video from You Tube of these fans being umpires. Classic Stuff

-The Falk

Thanks to Deadspin for the Picture

Moron of the Month

Manny Being Moron

The new installment of Moron of the Month is here!

The easy guess would be Manny Ramirez, cause lets face it, he is a moron.

Well, thats not quite where were going with this…

The Moron of the Month is YOU.  You know who you are….you’re the fan who was surprised by Manny taking steroids.  You’re also the one reading this saying “hey, it wasn’t roids…it was a fertility drug” 

Your the one who thinks that every time Jose Canseco tells you someone else was on the stuff, you think he is a goon with nothing better to do. Lets just chalk up another point for Jose.

Unless Manny is in the midst of a sex change, there is no reason for him to take that drug unless he’s trying to cover up high levels of testosterone; which, by the way, is due to the use of steroids.

So congrats to you, the naive baseball fan.  You are the Moron of the Month.

-Brenden and The Falk

Top Five: Yankee Moments vs. Red Sox at Yankee Stadium

Well after the embarassing sweep at the hands of the Red Sox two weekends ago up at Fenway Park, the Sawx travel down to the Bronx for their first games in the New Yankee Stadium. In honor of this occasion tonight, I have come up with another edition of the Smoking With Hank Top Five, where we take a look at the top five moments between the Yankees and the Red Sox to take place at the Old Yankee Stadium. Enjoy!

 

 

 

5. Dave Righetti throws a No Hitter vs. the Sox on July 4th, 1983- Dave Righetii entered Yankee lore whenhe threw a 4-0 no-hitter against the Boston Red Sox. It was the first Yankee no-hitter since Don Larsen’s perfect game in the 1956 World Series, and the first by a Yankee left-hander since 1917.

 

 

 

 

4. Bernie Williams 1999 ALCS Game 1 Walk-off Homer- The Yankees win game one of the ALCS against the Red Sox on a 10th inning walk-off home run by Bernie Williams off Boston reliever Rod Beck after a controversial call by umpire Tim Tschida against the Red Sox in the 9th let the game to continue. The game is the first actual postseason meeting between the rivals because the one-game playoff in 1978 technically counted as a regular season game.

 

 

 

 

3. Roger Maris hits his 61st Home Run- On the last day of the season, Roger Maris hits his 61st home run of the year off Red Sox rookie pitcher Tracy Stallard at Yankee Stadium, breaking the previous record of 60 home runs in a season set by Babe Ruth in 1927. The Yankees win the game 1–0 and clinch their 26th American League pennant, on their way to their 19th World Series title.

 

 

 

 

2. Babe Ruth opens Yankee Stadium with HR against the Red Sox– On April 18th, 1923, 74,200 watch the Yankees defeat the Red Sox, 4–1, in the first game played at Yankee Stadium. Babe Ruth hits the new stadium’s first home run, and finishes the year with a .393 batting average, while being walked a then-record 170 times.

 

 

 

 

1. Aaron Boone’s 2003 ALCS Game 7 Walk-Off Homer- While Holding a 5–2 lead in the eighth inning of Game 7 at Yankee Stadium, Red Sox manager Grady Little elects to leave starter Pedro Martínez on the mound. Martinez proceeds to give up four hits and three runs in the inning, allowing the Yankees to tie the game. In the bottom of the eleventh inning, leadoff hitter Aaron Boone hits a solo home run off of Tim Wakefield to left field, ending the game and the series, giving the Yankees their 39th American League pennant.

Tonight will hopefully be the beginning of a new chapter of great memories for the Yanks in their new ballpark against their old rivals. Im hope you enjoyed this walk down memory lane, and remember, LETS GO YANKEES!

– The Falk

The Return of Philip Hughes

The Yankees were in a slump that although it was only April, was sending shock waves all across the Tri-State area. After being swept by the Red Sox, which included the now infamous slap to the face known as Ellsbury stealing home plate on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball, and then not being able to hit Justin Verlander who last year and this year has been hit more times then a pinata in a loss to the Tigers had sent the Yankees and their fans into pandemonium.

Not to fear….PHIL HUGHES IS HERE. (Cue the Superman music)

After the Yankees has let him go down to the Minors and let Joba pitch in the starting rotation, which he shouldn’t be, the Yankees watched as Chien Ming Wang went from bad to worse and they had to call up the big Texan to take his spot.

Phil Hughes is a pitcher that everyone had high hopes for a few years back, he had a No Hitter into the seventh inning against the Texas Rangers, in Texas mind you, before a leg injury during the game derailed him for the year. Then the next season, he was thrown under a ton of pressure by Brian Cashman after he didn’t pull the trigger on the Johan Santana deal and told anybody who would listen, and the NY media loves to listen, that Hughes was going to be a huge part of the plan.

He failed early on, got hurt and a Sidney Ponson and Dan Giese later, the Yankees ended up mssing up the playoffs for the first time in a non strike year since 1993, in the final year of the Old Stadium no less. It was fair to say that Mr. Hughes had alot on his plate heading into spring training this season.

He excelled during the Spring and had people believing in him again, that he was the real deal and was a bright spot for the Yankees in the future. Of course that future just happened to be on April 28th in a near half empty Comerica Park in Detroit, Michigan.

Hughes would pitch 6 shutout innings against the Tigers , and once the Yankee bats exploded to the tune of a 10 run top of the 7th inning, Hughes, who had thrown 99 pitches, had earned his first win since 2007.

“He looked really good,” said Yankees manager Joe Girardi, who said he took Hughes out because of the length of the New York seventh. “He had his legs under him tonight.”

Phil Hughes has alot to learn about being a major league pitcher, especially being 21 years old and pitching for the New York Yankees. He will have his moments of greatness and failure and his job is to make sure the greatness is reached and the failure is minimal.

“I feel like I’m back to where I was a couple years ago,” Hughes said. “I just wanted to pitch well and earn another shot.”

Phil Hughes earned his shot last night and all the Yankees and the fans want now is for Hughes to finally become Superman.

-The Falk

The Fighting Hanks Travel to Fenway

This is the kind of weekend that has the suits at the Fox baseball saliva

ting as The New York Yankees will make the trip up I-95 to Fenway Park to take on the Boston Red Sox.

Over the years this rivalry has been as hot as ever before. Villains like Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, Many Ramirez, Dave Roberts, Kevin Millar are no longer around from those wars in 2003-2004 but this rivalry has new enemies that have come about the past few years to join with David “Big Papi” Ortiz as Sawx that Yankees Fans love to hate.

Today Smoking With Hank will bring you another edition of the top five, where we will look at five current Boston Red Sox that get the blood boiling to even the biggest fans of the Yanks.

 5.  Josh Beckett- Although the hatred for Josh Beckett is rooted in his Game 6 performance in the 2003 World Series as a Florida Marlin, since he has been a Red Sox, the Yankee fan enjoys bombing this guy. An ace for the Red Sox since his trade from Florida and already a World Series Champion there, he is a great pitcher whose numbers in the regular season aren’t great against the Yanks. Then again, seeing him in a Red Sox uniform after his performance in 2003, is more then reason enough for Beckett to be hated. (Career vs. NYY: 12 Starts, 7-4, 5.33 ERA, .280 BAA)

 4. David Ortiz- Ask this same question 5 years ago and Big Papi is in the top two, depending on the Yankee fan you asked and his hatred of Curt Schilling and Pedro Martinez. This guy in 2004 really helped the himself get on a this list with clutch hits in Game 4 and 5 of the ALCS en route to the 0-3 comeback by the Sawx in 2004 that Yankee fans today now loathe him. Although the past few years have see Big Papi fall on this list in my opinion to number four, what he has done to the Yanks in the past will always keep him in the top five. Also who can forget the guy who tried to bury an Ortiz jersey inside the New Yankee Stadium? The guy knew Ortiz was hated and tried, unsuccessfully to jinx the Yanks, although Ortiz did a nice job a few years back without the help of a jinx. (Career vs. NYY: 118 Games, .313, 25 HR, 90 RBI)

 3. Dustin Pedroia- Much like a fly, you try and you try and you try but you just cant kill that fly, that is what Dustin Pedroia is to a Yankee fan. He ran his mouth during his rookie season after a series in the Bronx that had the NY sports radio stations a buzz about A-Rod and a take out slide and of course has already won Rookie of the Year, a World Series and an American League MVP. When someone does that on the team you despise, your gonna hate them even more. He is someone who is always coming up with the big hit and in limited action against the Yankees, has already done a nice job. Oh did I also mention that he also on the cover of MLB 09 The Show? at least we know where to throw him…High and Inside. (Career vs. NYY: 34 Games, .321, 1 HR, 18 RBI)

2. Kevin Youkilis- The man at number two is someone who burst onto the scene just in time to annoy the crap out of Yankee fans and also win a 2007 World Series ring. Kevin Youkilis is a hated man in New York, specificallythe Bronx. He has a stance that just looks annoying, he is always screaming and yelling and of course can come up with the big knock when needed. The Youka, as he is called by the fans of the Sawx, has been front and center in the rivalry the past couple of years, as his head has been a frequent target for baseballs thrown by Joba Chamberlain. Joba will actually be making the start today and that means that we may see some Hunting along with our Baseball tonight, and I’m sure Kevin Youkilis is waiting with baited breath. Can you say Brawl? (Career vs. NYY: 58 Games, .308, 4 HR, 32 RBI)

1. Jonathan Papelbon- And now we have reached Number One, The man that over the past couple of years has River danced, Screamed and Trashed Mariano Rivera enough that Yankee fans have a new public enemy number one. When he told the media at the All-Star Game…IN YANKEE STADIUM….That he should close ahead of Mariano Rivera, the reaction was well….LOUD. When he entered into the All-Star game he was booed loudly and has been ever since that little quote he fed the NY media. Yankee fans certainly liked it when Brett Gardner won a game off Papelbon earlier in the monththat year with a single up the middle and A-Rod’s 9th inning homer in May of 2007 to beat Paps as well. In the end, when you trash one of the most beloved Yankees of all time and your a Red Sox, your gonna be hated, and Papelbon is HATED  (Career vs. NYY: 22 Games, 0-3, 7-9 in Save Opp., 4.43 ERA. .217 BAA)

So there is my list of the Top Five hated Red Sox as of today, I hope you all enjoy the series this weekend and also lets find new people to hate and new reasons to hate the people above. LETS GO YANKEES.

– The Falk

The Return of the Giambino

For a lot of fans of sports teams, when a former player comes back after leaving as a Free Agent it brings back memories of that are either good or bad. Well here at SWH with the Return of the Giambino, Jason Giambito the Bronx tonight for the Yankees series with the Oakland A’s we will now present a Top Five of the best moments of Jason Giambi’s career as a New York Yankee

5. On December 13th, 2001 after the Yankees had lost the World Series to the Diamondbacks while struggling on offense throughout the playoffs, Giambi, the 2000 AL MVP with the Oakland A’s would sign a 7 year 120 million dollar contract and in his first year hitting .314 with 41 Homers with 122 RBI while winning the Sliver Slugger for First Baseman

4. . On July 31, 2005 Giambi hit his 300th career home run off of Esteban Yan of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. This was his 14th home run of the month, tying Mickey Mantle for the Yankee record for home runs in July.

3. During the final game at the Original Yankee Stadium, Giambi would record the final hit at “The House that RuthBuilt” with an RBI Single in the bottom of the 8th inning to drive in Brett Gardner in 7-3 Win over the Baltimore Orioles.

2. After a disastrous 2004 season that saw him diagnosed with a benign tumor, and a continuation of that season in the 1st half of 2005, he was able to turn around his season around to end the year hittting 32 Homers, leading the American League in Walks and On-Base % and finishing 5th in the AL in On-Base plus Slugging en route to the AL Comeback Player of the Year.   

1. Down 12-9 to the Minnesota Twins in the bottom of the 14th inning with the bases loaded and the game closing in on 6 hours long, Giambi’s top moment as a Yankee occured in his first season when he hit a game winning Grand Slam to lead the Yankees to a 13-12 win. Giambi joined elite company in Yankees history. According to the Yankees, Babe Ruth was the only other Yankee to hit a game-ending grand slam with his team down three runs, Ruth did it on Sept. 24, 1925.

-The Falk

The House that Hank Smokes In

Well It was quite a day yesterday as the New Yankee Stadium opened up for business for the first time during the Regular Season. The Fans jammed the stands, the legends of Yankee past came out onto the field and Hank went from his customary cig at first pitch to a carton when Veras and Marte entered the game. Damon got the first hit, Posada the first Home Run and Veras and Marte got the first Bronx Cheers.

The Indians won the game 10-2 on a 9 run top of the 7th innings to blow the game wide open and ruin what was really a perfect afternoon to open up a building that has a friggin butcher cutting steaks for you to bring home.

The real story though was The Stadium, it looks like an amazing place to watch a game and all the wonderful things that are in there. A Sports Bar in Center Field, an Art Gallery, the Great Hall with pictures of all the Yankee legends, (Of course they are missing one for Hank) and heck even a Yankees Museum where a young fan can see a ball signed by Suzyn Waldman.

I could just imagine the memories that will bring up….(Picture the Saved by the Bell Pink wavylines along the side of the screen with the customary music that goes with it as we take this look into the future)

Son: Hey Dad?,

Dad: Yeah Son?,

Son: Who was Suzyn Waldman?,

Dad: Well son, back in the year 2006, this legendary figure came into our hearts and minds when the day that Roger Clemens…

Son: The Steroids Guy?

Dad: That’s Right Son, the Steroids Guy, Any-whoo, When Suzynsaw him she proclaimed with her mighty nasally voice “OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS, ROGER CLEMENS IS IN GEORGE STEINBRENNERS BOX!!!” and from that day foward she was the greatest Yankee broadcaster that ever lived.

Son: Wow Dad, I hope one day I can grow up to be just like her.

Dad: Well son, I do too, I do too

(Tear rolls down dads face as the wavy lines and dream sequence music ends).

Side Note: Man I just hope that Jose Canseco’s and Roger Clemens signed baseballs are right next to each other.

But in the end although the game ended in a loss for Hank’s Yanks. The Stadium debut beyond the field was a success and we’ll all be watching when many other great moments, like Hank on a Nicotine High when he leaves his Pack of Marlboro Red 100’s at home, take place at Yankee Stadium over the next 100 years.

– The Falk