Tag Archives: mariners

Bye, Bye, To The Second Base Guy

Let’s tarnish the great “American Pie” song by making it about Cano leaving the Yankees.
Let me set the scene, I’m on stage and as my eyes focus to the lighting around me I look out into the crowd and see only my mom sitting there. This is a strange AA meeting I stumbled into…
I start to play the guitar and sing:
A short little while ago
I can still remember
when the Mariners offered way too much
to a player that I always loved
admired from the bleachers but
he chose to go for the big, big bucks
the day
this ginger
cried
and I was singing
why, why should I say goodbye
to a player
who will later
regret the he flied
to a state where it rains like 90% of the time
singing
this will be the day that I cried
oh
this will be the day that I cried
Girardi and the book of glove
that made Cano bat above
Hafner or some other scrub
and do you believe that Robbie rolled
and that Ellsbury will stop the Yankee trolls
from arguing on message boards
well I know that we should love McCann
cause he’s got some power in those hands
he’ll smack probably 32
MAN I’ll miss Robbie’s swag-a-tude
I was a lonely creature in the bronx
with a pink Yankee hat that I picked up
but I knew we were out of luck
the day
this ginger
cried
and I was singing
why, why should I say goodbye
to a player
who will later
regret the he flied
to a state where it rains like 90% of the time
singing
this will be the day that I cried
oh
this will be the day that I cried

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Trade Deadline Approaches: Yankees Stay Silent

With Jarrod Washburn heading to Detroit and the Victor Marinez to Boston deal just about finalized, the Yankees have lost an opportunity to land needed help from a starting pitcher.  Martinez is a big name heading to Boston, which usually means the Yankees will be making a splash too.

Don’t expect any huge names to be heading to the Bronx.  The biggest name that may land is Padres All-Star closer Heath Bell, who be part of the set up crew that already consists of Philthy Phil Hughes and Phil Coke.  The Padres asking price for Bell is said to be pretty high so don’t expect anything to get done until the price goes down.

Brian Bannister, who is a solid starter on a Royals team that doesn’t like to score runs for him, was also rumored to be involved in a deal to NY until the Yankees asked the Royals to pay the the remaining 650 thousand bucks left on his contract.

No, that’s not a typo, the Yankees asked the Royals to pay for a contract.

The deadline is less than an hour away and it will be very interesting to see who lands in the Bronx.

-Brenden

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Math….Baseball Style

mathematicsmlb-logo

The Major League Baseball season is underway and while watching the season at its infancy, I thought about some the Math equations that are involved with baseball and its teams during the upcoming season. Here are 30 Equations, one that represents every team in the Major Leagues….Enjoy.

AL East-

Yankees– Yankee Bullpen – Mariano = Garbage

Red Sox– Saito + Penny + Smoltz = Boston Hospitals Rejoicing

Rays– Great Team – Fans = Tropicana Field

Blue Jays–  Roy Halladay + Alex Rios = Trade Deadline

Orioles– Opening Day Win over Yankees + 65 = Win Total for 2009

AL Central

Indians– Young Players x Underachievers = 2009 Season

White Sox– Ozzie – Cursing = An Off Night

Royals– Juan Cruz + Joakim Soria = An Actual Chance in Hell

Tigers– Overpaid Roster + Recssion = Fire Sale

Twins– No superstars + Ron Gardenhire= playoffs

AL West

Rangers– 200 hr’s+5.50 ERA= Last 14 years of Rangers Baseball

Mariners– Ken Griffey Junior+ old age= disabled list

Angels– Expectations x Adversity = Mike Scioscia Toughest Year Yet

Athletics– Constant Rebuilding + Bad Stadium = Forseeable Future

NL East

Phillies– Rollins + Utley + Howard = Best Clutch Team Ever

Mets– revamped bullpen+ new stadium= Phillies still win the East

Marlins– Young Team + Confidence = Dangerous Group

Nationals– Young Lineup + Garbage Pitching = More Losing in DC

Braves– Bobby Cox – 1990’s= mediocre

NL Central

Cubs– Improved team+Curse= another 100 years of losing

Brewers– Pitching Staff – CC = A Joke

Pirates– (God-Awful x No Hope) / Suck= Pirates for the foreseeable future

Reds– Votto + Bruce + Volquez = The Future

Cardinals– Lineup – Pujols = No Shot

Astros– Pitching Staff – Oswalt = Disaster

NL West

Giants– CY Young winner+nobody else= no long term contract for Timmy

Dodgers– Dodgers – Manny= Still winning the west

Padres– Padres – Peavy= August 1st

Diamondbacks– Starting Pitching / Bullpen = Many Sad Endings in the Desert

Rockies– 2009 – Matt Holliday = 2007 looking more and more like a Fluke

– The Falk (and Brenden)

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How to fix the bad teams of Baseball: Hank Style

4_top_openbgIf you’re like me, you are still in shock over Bridget, Holly, and Kendra leaving the Playboy mansion. I think Kendra could do a lot better then Hank Baskett, hell she can turn around and find a better athlete.

Let me take your mind off the pain(yeah that’s a Major Payne reference)

Here are the teams that should either disband or pretend the 2009 season isn’t gonna happen: And how Hank would fix them

1- Washington Nationals-The nation’s Capital hasn’t been this gloomy since the British burned the White House in the War of 1812.

Hank’s Vision: Hank would lock every player in closet and bring in the the 1977 Yankees, not even Hank could win with this bunch.  

2- Pittsburgh Pirates- Pirates should be plundering, but this team hasn’t signed a major free-agent since BlackBeard roamed the seven seas.

Hank’s Vision: While donning a Pirate costume, ala Jack Sparrow, He forces everyone to walk the plank….Hank is just a sucker for role playing.

3- San Diego Padres-The Friars will have to pray harder. Enjoy Peavy now, because he’ll be gone by July

Hank’s Vision: Hank would battle the Padres Closer in a Wii Fit contest to see who would could last longer….Hank quits after 1 minute because of a lack of smoke breaks.

4- Seattle Mariners- Even the godsend named Junior Griffey will not help them navigate their way back into respectability.

Hank’s Vision: Hank asks Griffey who does he want to be remembered as, a Yankee or a Toledo Mud Hen….When Griffey tells him that he plays for the Mariners, Hank burns his arm with a cigarette

5- Baltimore Orioles- The only team on this list headed in the right direction.  Too bad they play in the toughest division in baseball.  Enjoy last place, at least Baltimore Harbor is kinda nice.

Hank’s Vision: His job here is done, his Yankees already pound on this team 18 times a season, its just time to kick back and pull out a carton of cigs and watch the beatings continue.

-Brenden

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Stereotyping fans

Cubs: non-fitted hat, glasses, fanny-pack.  You know, the type of person getting shoved into lockers at a high school.

Poor little loser

Poor little loser

Yankees: Loud, Obnoxious, rude, smart, wish they could chant “1918” again.

Red Sox: See above (other than the “1918” part)

Red Sox fans are great parents too

Red Sox fans are great parents too

Mets: Complacent, loud, fat obnoxious.  They also remember 1986 better than the birth of their first child.

Rays: bandwagoneers, they didn’t know baseball existed in Tampa until last September

Royals: Depressed

Marlins: Are there any?

Rangers: Cowboy hat and Cowboy boots…isn’t that what everyone wears in Texas?

Mariners: Too busy masterbating to their Ken Griffey Jr. posters to show up to the games

Oh yeah

Oh yeah

-Brenden

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