Author Archives: B Roe

About B Roe

Tall, charming, handsome sports fanatic.

Peasant in the Outfield: My Apology to the Yankees

 

Yankees COO Lonn Trost said this about Yankee fans on WFAN while speaking about new ticket policies:

“The problem below market at a certain point is that if you buy a ticket in a very premium location and pay a substantial amount of money. It’s not that we don’t want that fan to sell it, but that fan is sitting there having paid a substantial amount of money for a ticket and [another] fan picks it up for a buck-and-a-half and sits there, and it’s frustrating to the purchaser of the full amount.”

He then followed that up with this doozy:“And quite frankly, the fan may be someone who has never sat in a premium location. So that’s a frustration to our existing fan base.”

Most people are pissed off. Not me! I just want to apologize to the people running the Yankees.

You see, back in the summer of 2009 I sat in the Legends seats at Yankee Stadium, which are the seats directly behind the dugout. I thought I was lucky to know someone who would buy those tickets on Stubhub, but looking back I was young, stupid, and naive. Being a college student with a shitty part-time job I should have known my place and not have sat there. I should have been up in the nosebleeds, or based on my state school education, in the obstructed view seats in the left field bleachers.

I sincerely hope the Yankees can forgive me. Six times I sat next to people who obviously knew more about the Yankees and baseball than me, because they were able to focus on their lobster dishes without even looking at the game. Stupid me is sitting there watching the game with $20 in my pocket eating crackerjacks ready to argue balls and strikes. It’s obvious I didn’t know any better.

Those seats are so pristine that very few people should be allowed to sit in them, which seems to usually work based on the games I’ve been to. etick_seatsofgold02_412

I just want the Yankees to know that I’ve learned my lesson. I’ve grown up since then. I’m working a full-time job, so I’m able to call myself a middle class citizen, and buy tickets full price in the upper deck. I know my role now.

And to Randy Levine, for whom I held a door open at a deli near Times Square once, I have to admit that I was angry when you did not look me in the eyes and say “thank you”. Much like the seat situation, I should have known better. My lifestyle doesn’t fit with yours. Looking back I’m happy you chose to grace the peasants with your presence in the deli that day. I strive to be as good as you.

The Yankees are just trying to make us better people, people who are fit to watch other people wear pinstripes.

Just know where you should be sitting when you watch them.

 

 

 

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The Dark Knight Rises: The Return of Alex Rodriguez

a-rod-hit-his-first-home-run-of-the-year-and-now-yankees-fans-love-himForget about Matt Harvey. The Real “Dark Knight” of Gotham is Alex Rodriguez.

His story parallels the the last three Christian Bale Batman movies. Seriously think about it…

A-Rod saves the city in 2009 and delivers a world championship. Early on, Batman saves Gotham from the Scarecrow

A-Rod makes a few mistakes for PEDs, becomes the face of the steroid epidemic, and Commissioner Selig tells him to go away for a while. Batman takes the blame for Harvey Dent’s death and Commissioner Gordon tells him to go away for a while.

A-Rod works through his suspension, multiple injuries, and what seems to basically be depression as the Yankees crumble. Batman comes back from multiple injuries and his literal prison of despair to again help fight the injustice that has overtaken Gotham. A-Rod, like Batman in the third and final act, may not be as young as he once was, but he still has something left to prove to a lot of people.

There are more parallels for this story than just A-Rod being Batman.

Derek Jeter is obviously Harvey Dent. The White Knight of Gotham who saved the Yankees from the depths of nothing to bring them back to glory and restore sanity to the city. Alex Rodriguez accepted his suspension not only to sort out his own life, but to also not take away from Jeter’s last season. Jeter (Dent) gets all of the glory while Rodriguez sits in the shadows and waits until the city needs him again. I could totally see Jeter being nice in the spotlight and a total dick outside of Yankee Stadium…you know…kinda…what’s the word I’m looking for here? Oh yeah. Two-Faced.

David Ortiz is Bane. They are both roided out monsters who just mash things…well to be specific, Ortiz mashes baseballs and Bane mashes faces. Gotham hates both of them and they’ve done a lot to take the city down, whether it be by a Red Sox Championship or threatening to nuke the entire city. To be honest I’m not sure which is worse.

Madonna is Catwoman here. The woman that A-Rod has had, and I’m sure he wants again. He’ll end up in a small cafe somewhere with her as Joe Torre looks on knowingly. She may be 100 years old but she sure is still pretty damn flexible.

Yes, Joe Torre is Alfred. He was there for A-Rod during his early battles against the BoSox, and was his handler until he left in 2007. He was the older, wiser man in A-Rod’s life. Sure Torre batted him 8th against Verlander in 2006, but Alfred wasn’t always nice to Batman either. Torre has remained a part of the MLB and A-Rod’s life as the Executive VP of Baseball Operations. I’m not really sure what he does, but then again he may not either.

image

Hold my calls...it's naptime

Bud Selig plays he role of Commisoner Gordon here. He knows that steroids and A-Rod make the game better and more profitable, but he has to save face. Commissioner Gordon knows the city is better with Batman but he needs to save face as well. I really hate Selig and really like Gordon so this comparison really hurt to write.

We’ll soon find out if like Batman, A-Rod returns to glory and ends up getting his own statue in monument park. (Every other player seems to get one) Only time will tell if he’s ready to sacrifice himself for his fans, and this city.

If he is, then we can finally say:

Alex Rodriguez is back. The Dark Knight Rises.

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How Bout Them Yanks? Part One

We’ve made it through a month of baseball so far and it’s already felt like a small roller coaster. I’m living and dying with each pitch and it’s not October yet so I’m pretty much screwed. For any Mets fans out there, October is the month where the good teams get to keep playing.

Here are my thoughts on some members of the Yankees roster:

Alfonso Soriano- Can he never play RF again? That would be great thank you. Also if you throw him anything but a breaking ball away you should be sent back to AAA.

John Ryan Murphy- DON’T YOU EVER CALL HIM “JR” AGAIN. Only going by his proper two first names within a name. It’s what people down south like to do I guess.

Hiroki Kuroda- Kuroda is so old, he plays for the Yankees.

Yangervis Solarte- The Venezuelan Roy Hobbs, just minus the power, wonderboy bat, gunshot wound, Robert Duvall following him around, and a secretive past that’s only known by a woman in Chicago. There goes Solarte, the best there ever was for those few days in April.

Derek Jeter- PLEASE DON’T GO I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT BASEBALL WAS LIKE BEFORE YOU I REALLY DON’T WANT BRENDAN RYAN AS OUR STARTING SS. I’LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST PLEASE DON’T GO YET UNLESS WE TRADE FOR TULOWITSKI THEN YOU CAN GO IT’LL BE FINE.

 

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Ellsburied?

nesn.com

You know when a “bro” walks into a bar and is wearing a new Affliction shirt and everyone goes to him and is like “woah. That tribal is amazing!!!!” and he starts to smile and shit, and when I say shit I mean he shits his pants because he has the mental capacity of a small child with diarrhea, that’s kind of what I feel like signing Ellsbury is like. A quick jab to the mouth of the Red Sox who just won a World Series, a permanent black eye to the club who loved Ellsbury and his passion for the game, in other words, this is Johnny Damon all over again.
Not many people can argue Johnny’s performance when he was with the Yankees, he infused some much needed fun into the club house and pretty much performed at the level we expected a mid-level outfielder with the throwing capability of a cat smacking a ball on the ground to perform at. My feeling is that we are getting the same thing with Jacoby Ellsbury, a 30 year old – HOLY SHIT THIS GUY LOOKS YOUNG – outfielder with speed, power (read: moderate) and range that will make him a gold glover in a much more friendly Yankee Stadium center field. His consistent play with the Red Sox proves that he is a great player who got the money he definitely didn’t deserve, but we are talking about the Yankees who paid an aging catcher about 75 million more than he should’ve got.
The future of the Yankees is bright, as long as you consider bright to be the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel we all see when we die of old age at a nursing home. Some interesting free agent signings show the Yankees are dead-set on spending much more money than they should to attract talent that may not necessarily be needed.  Kelly Johnson is an interesting signing especially considering he is replacing a player who barely produces anything at 2b, Jayson Nix.
Losing Cano is going to hurt, that is for sure, and hopefully he goes the way of Jesus Montero and completely falls apart playing for a ball club that inexplicably has more money than the Astros and A’s combined. Truth be told the signings of Ellsbury and McCann are interesting ones that can help the Yankees sustain the inevitable collapse coming in 4 years. Both are strong willed players who have all-star potential while also being able to stay on the DL for long stretches of time, so that’s awesome, especially given the current state where 4 major players were sidelined for most of the 2013 campaign.
Ellsbury and McCann are the Band-Aid the Yankees don’t need right now, a couple of bad years while bolstering their much depleted farm system is really what they needed, but what do I know I’m writing for a website dedicated to Hank Steinbrenner, who may not actually be related to the family. It’s going to be an interesting year for the Yankees and I’m looking forward to “Bald Vinny” sucking Ellsbury’s Jacoby – a new word for dick – when he trots out to center field during roll-call and is immediately taken out of the game after two pitches when he goes to stretch his leg and his hamstring snaps.
-Rob

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A-Rod Meets the Pope: Twitter Explodes

Alex Rodriguez finds soft landing at Mike Francesa’s WFAN studios Wednesday. YES NETWORK

Well Dressed and a Vest. Photo from NY Daily News

By now you’ve heard about new chapter the Alex Rodriguez saga. A-Rod stormed out of his arbitration hearing after MLB Commissioner Bud Selig aka”the man in Milwaukee” refused to testify. A-Rod marched right out of MLB headquarters and headed down to the WFAN studios to sit with the Pope himself: Mike Francesa.

This is when Twitter blew up; I spent almost an hour at work listening to the interview and reading the tweets regarding it. Here are the best ones, with a couple of mine sprinkled  in because I’m selfish.

WFANtrades ‏@WFANTrades1m

Say what you will about Mike. He’s killing the vest/dress shirt look. #BusinessCasualZaun

Mike Franceser ‏@MikeFrancesaNY32m

Everybody loves @AROD, ok. I told da city to believe in @AROD and da city listened. I speak foah New Yawk.

Jamie O’Grady ‏@JamieOGrady_6m

Give him this, ARod sounds far less canned and rehearsed than he ever has before. He may be schizophrenic, but he believes what he’s saying.

Mike Franceser ‏@MikeFrancesaNY7m

Im not a lawyah but dat made no sense to me, ok.

WFAN Audio ‏@WFANAudio14m

I just blew off my boss’ 4PM meeting for this. I mean, ya gotta do what ya gotta do. #MongoNation

Ross S ‏@StadiumInsider22s

Francesa is going down on A-Rod after the interview, yes? Just as friends, of course.

1st Ever FrancesaCon ‏@FrancesaCon52s

This is moah inspiring den Denzel in remembuh da titans

Mike Vaccaro ‏@MikeVacc1m

Shoeless Joe Jackson could’ve used talk radio in 1919 to sell his story. Bet Judge Landis wouldn’t have testified either.

Jonah Keri ‏@jonahkeri1m

Kids, you won’t remember this, but Mike Francesa was once a credible journalist with intelligent takes on college basketball.

E.J.Stankiewicz ‏@TheHappyRecap4m

Beginning 2016 “Mike and the Mad Rod”

Jonah Keri ‏@jonahkeri24s

Kids, you won’t remember this, but Alex Rodriguez was once a spectacularly likable shortstop for the Seattle Mariners.

B-ROE ‏@Mr_B_Roe23m

Somewhere Derek Jeter has a single tear sliding down his cheek

BarstoolJJ ‏@BarstoolJJ3m

How do we make @AROD the master of ceremonies for @FrancesaCon?

Craig Bishko ‏@The_Real_Bish1m

@FrancesaCon Are couples costumes (ARod and Zaun) allowed at the bar?

Mike Franceser ‏@MikeFrancesaNY2m

What would youah say to da man in Milwaukee? We know he is watchin, ok. Dis is on coast to coast (Take dat @KeithOlbermann)

Stacey Gotsulias ‏@StaceGots2m

This quote is amazing: Selig is “trying to destroy me. To put me on his big mantle on the way out, that’s a hell of a trophy.”

Dean McGowan ‏@deanmcgowan3m

Metta world arod

Benjamin Kabak ‏@bkabak37s

Agent Smith vs Neo wasn’t half as entertaining as this.

B-ROE ‏@Mr_B_Roe1m

Francesa missed a perfect opportunity to ask about the Centaur painting

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Hank’s Off-season Wish List

We all know who the average Yankee fan wants to sign: Everyone

We all know who Brian Cashman and Hal Steinbrenner want to sign: Anyone who keeps them under 189 million dollars

That’s fine and dandy, but in order for the Yankees to get number 28 and restore the universe to order there’s only one man who’s opinion really matters:

Hank Steinbrenner

Hank has had a muzzle put on him since 2009, when he declared that the “National League had better get with the program” after Chien-Ming Wang got hurt running the bases…so he obviously knows what he’s talking about. Here’s a list of potential Yankee Targets and what Hank thinks about them

Robinson Cano– 300 million? Money is no object. Hell, lets make it a cool 400 million.

Jacoby Ellsbury– Red Sox Nation is a bunch of bullshit. He can take his scruffy little pre-pubescent beard somewhere else. he’s no Johnny Damon

Brian McCann– Warrior. We’ll need him to yell at opposing batters after CC gets taken deep

Shin-Soo Choo– HA! Like that’s even a real person. Nobody is stupid enough to believe that name. You’ll have to do better to outsmart me..I’m a Steinbrenner. We don’t believe in laughter. Not unless you play winning baseball. Then laughing is allowed.

Carlos Beltran– Guy is a winner. He is a 5 tool player. A game-changer. One of the best in the business. I base all of my opinions off of ten year old scouting reports.

Masahiro Tanaka– he’s not related to that fat toad Hideki Irabu right? What about that sunglasses wearing punk Kei Igawa? Ok good. I’ve got plenty of yen to spend. Drawers full of yen. Just no sunglasses allowed on the mound.

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Thanks for the Memories Mo

Yahoo.com

Thursday night I had the privilege of seeing the career of the great Mariano Rivera come to a close. I say privileged because Rivera is truly one of baseball’s great people. I was trying to write an article on how it was moving,  epic, or amazing, but honestly words cannot even come close to describing the feeling I had seeing him go.

I’ve been watching baseball as long as I can remember. My first MLB memory is coming out of the tunnel and seeing the green grass of Yankee Stadium as a 6 year old kid. The first full season I can somewhat remember is 1995, which was Mariano’s first season; point being, I’ve grown up watching Mariano.

Yankee fans my age have been spoiled rotten. We’ve had a baseball-less October two times since 1994, seen five World Series wins, seven pennants, and countless AL East Division Titles. The Yankee way of considering a season to be a unsuccessful one if there’s no parade down the Canyon of Heroes is ingrained in our baseball DNA, and Rivera is a part of all of that.

There was a brief moment in his final game, when Mo took mound again to warm up before the ninth inning, where the crowd died down to a hushed tone. It was as if 50,000 people all had the same thought of “this is the last time Mariano will ever be on this mound.” It was the saddest feeling I’ve ever felt watching a baseball game. Even the feeling of seeing my last game in the old Yankee Stadium (I loved that place) pales in comparison to Mariano’s night.

Lucky. Honored. Privileged. All words I can use to describe watching Rivera work his craft for his entire career. We will never see another player like him.

NY Daily News

I’m not going to try to sum up his career in a sentence, a paragraph, or even a novel. It can’t be done.

All I can say is:

Thanks for the memories Mo.

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