You know when a “bro” walks into a bar and is wearing a new Affliction shirt and everyone goes to him and is like “woah. That tribal is amazing!!!!” and he starts to smile and shit, and when I say shit I mean he shits his pants because he has the mental capacity of a small child with diarrhea, that’s kind of what I feel like signing Ellsbury is like. A quick jab to the mouth of the Red Sox who just won a World Series, a permanent black eye to the club who loved Ellsbury and his passion for the game, in other words, this is Johnny Damon all over again.
Not many people can argue Johnny’s performance when he was with the Yankees, he infused some much needed fun into the club house and pretty much performed at the level we expected a mid-level outfielder with the throwing capability of a cat smacking a ball on the ground to perform at. My feeling is that we are getting the same thing with Jacoby Ellsbury, a 30 year old – HOLY SHIT THIS GUY LOOKS YOUNG – outfielder with speed, power (read: moderate) and range that will make him a gold glover in a much more friendly Yankee Stadium center field. His consistent play with the Red Sox proves that he is a great player who got the money he definitely didn’t deserve, but we are talking about the Yankees who paid an aging catcher about 75 million more than he should’ve got.
The future of the Yankees is bright, as long as you consider bright to be the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel we all see when we die of old age at a nursing home. Some interesting free agent signings show the Yankees are dead-set on spending much more money than they should to attract talent that may not necessarily be needed.  Kelly Johnson is an interesting signing especially considering he is replacing a player who barely produces anything at 2b, Jayson Nix.
Losing Cano is going to hurt, that is for sure, and hopefully he goes the way of Jesus Montero and completely falls apart playing for a ball club that inexplicably has more money than the Astros and A’s combined. Truth be told the signings of Ellsbury and McCann are interesting ones that can help the Yankees sustain the inevitable collapse coming in 4 years. Both are strong willed players who have all-star potential while also being able to stay on the DL for long stretches of time, so that’s awesome, especially given the current state where 4 major players were sidelined for most of the 2013 campaign.
Ellsbury and McCann are the Band-Aid the Yankees don’t need right now, a couple of bad years while bolstering their much depleted farm system is really what they needed, but what do I know I’m writing for a website dedicated to Hank Steinbrenner, who may not actually be related to the family. It’s going to be an interesting year for the Yankees and I’m looking forward to “Bald Vinny” sucking Ellsbury’s Jacoby – a new word for dick – when he trots out to center field during roll-call and is immediately taken out of the game after two pitches when he goes to stretch his leg and his hamstring snaps.

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