Hank’s Off-season Wish List

We all know who the average Yankee fan wants to sign: Everyone

We all know who Brian Cashman and Hal Steinbrenner want to sign: Anyone who keeps them under 189 million dollars

That’s fine and dandy, but in order for the Yankees to get number 28 and restore the universe to order there’s only one man who’s opinion really matters:

Hank Steinbrenner

Hank has had a muzzle put on him since 2009, when he declared that the “National League had better get with the program” after Chien-Ming Wang got hurt running the bases…so he obviously knows what he’s talking about. Here’s a list of potential Yankee Targets and what Hank thinks about them

Robinson Cano– 300 million? Money is no object. Hell, lets make it a cool 400 million.

Jacoby Ellsbury– Red Sox Nation is a bunch of bullshit. He can take his scruffy little pre-pubescent beard somewhere else. he’s no Johnny Damon

Brian McCann– Warrior. We’ll need him to yell at opposing batters after CC gets taken deep

Shin-Soo Choo– HA! Like that’s even a real person. Nobody is stupid enough to believe that name. You’ll have to do better to outsmart me..I’m a Steinbrenner. We don’t believe in laughter. Not unless you play winning baseball. Then laughing is allowed.

Carlos Beltran– Guy is a winner. He is a 5 tool player. A game-changer. One of the best in the business. I base all of my opinions off of ten year old scouting reports.

Masahiro Tanaka– he’s not related to that fat toad Hideki Irabu right? What about that sunglasses wearing punk Kei Igawa? Ok good. I’ve got plenty of yen to spend. Drawers full of yen. Just no sunglasses allowed on the mound.

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