What to Do On a Yankees’ Off-Day

The Yankees aren’t playing tonight and the only other thing that’s on is the NBA draft. If I wanted to see badly-dressed people celebrating I would just go to a bar in Poughkeepsie.

So my night looks pretty empty, and yours may be too, so here are a few things you can do:

#1- Talk with your family

This is your typical family of Red Sox fans.

-Try to have a conversation that doesn’t involve the Yankees. It could be about the weather, politics, or the neighbor’s ugly dog. Here’s how a typical conversation in my house goes:

Me- “Dad what’s the score?”

Dad- “2-0”

Me- “Yankees?”

Dad- “No. Garcia sucks!!”

Me- “But it’s the 5th inning, he’s keeping them in the game.”

Dad- “They’re losing–He sucks!”

#2- Read a Book

Lots of losing in this one. Title was originally supposed to be "100 years of Sucking", but an old French Prostitute already had that one.

The are these things with covers and paper with words inside of them. Sometimes you can actually learn something. Just don’t read too much at once, your head may hurt since you haven’t done it in a while

#3- Workout!

"I didn't get my rock-hard abs by sitting on my ass. Go ahead, touch em!"

Chances are you haven’t been watching the Yankees while pumping iron or running on a treadmill, so maybe it’s time to do something that involves you getting off the couch.

Here’s a typical Hank Steinbrenner workout:

100 12-ounce curls

3 reps of pointing at himself in the mirror and saying “Hal was NOT Dad’s Favorite”

1 rep of Cheeseburger eating

Watch one jazz-ercise video (Not to do anything, just to check out the ladies)

2 laps around the Yankees clubhouse. (The usual amount of laps needed to berate every single player after a loss)

10 smoking reps

#4- Go to bed!

Seriously, without the Yankees, the night will just suck anyway. Are you really going to talk to your family, workout, or read a book? Didn’t think so.

Goodnight.

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