EXCLUSIVE: An Interview with Hank

Last January, I did not get an opportunity to interview Yankees boss Hank “the tank” Steinbrenner, but if I did i think this is how it would go.

Hi Hank, thanks for letting me interview you

-This better be worth my time, I’ve only got another day or two to come out with a ridiculous statement and I haven’t thought of one yet.

– I promise this will be worth it….the first thing I want to know are your thoughts on this past season

– Well if Bud Selig and those other nimrods in the MLB offices were smart, they would get rid of the divisions and just give the World Championship to the team with the highest payroll. They also need to get to this century and make everybody use a DH. They should know that our pitchers aren’t taught how to run the bases. When Bud is done, I hope that I am elected commissioner so I can right the wrongs.

-Ok Hank, good luck with that….what was your favorite part of this year?

-It had to be the All-Star game. It was nice to see all of those future Yankees on one field.

– You honestly think you are going to get all of the American and National League All-stars on one team?

– No, stupid, that’s impossible….The AL guys would be in the majors and the NL guys would start in the minors….maybe if they played baseball like it was this century they could get a shot…but until then, the only field they will see is the one in Scranton.

– You really are just like people say aren’t you?

– If they say smart, handsome, executive of the year, then yes I am.

– Well this has been a waste of my time Hank…thanks for nothing

– If by waste of time you mean the best interview you’ve ever had…then your welcome

 

-Brenden

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