Happy April Fools’ Day valued readers. I think today is the perfect day to tell you what will really happen this upcoming season.
When it is realized that the loss of A-Rod is too much, the Yankees sign his cousin Yuri to a minor league contract. Citi bank goes bankrupt, causing the Mets to lose their Stadium. The Mets relocate to Broken Dreams City Park, which is located on Wall Street in lower Manhattan.
In the 5th inning of a game, Manny Ramirez does not go out to play left field.
The Dodgers decide that they would rather play without a left fielder than put Juan Pierre in the lineup. This also comes during a stretch where Manny decides he wants to hit left-handed. He only gets four hits in forty at-bats, but fans don’t care because it’s deemed as “Manny being Manny”. In an unrelated story, Cousin Yuri hits his 30th homerun in AAA and is called up to the big leagues.
After losing 80 straight games to start the season, the Washington Nationals decide to forfeit the rest of the season. “We just don’t care anymore, I think a lot of us are going to run for office” said one anonymous player, “I heard there are a lot of losers down at the Capitol building, so we should all get elected”.
Cousin Yuri hits his first 5 Major League homeruns; all of them coming in one game.
To celebrate the 13th anniversary of the movie Independence Day, Major League Baseball front offices hire SUNY college at Oneonta alum Bill Pullman (who played the President in the movie) to travel around and visit all of the ballparks. Instead of playing the national anthem, teams have Pullman stand on the mound in full fighter pilot gear to recite his infamous “we will not go quietly into the night” speech.
Will Smith was asked, but he was too busy to do it because he still has a career.
In the Little League World Series, ten players on the Dominican Republic team (coached by Cousin Yuri) test positive for steroids.
The Yankees sign each kid to a 10 year, 250 million dollar deal.
Global warming causes a rising of the seas and the flooding of Tropicana Field, home of the Rays. The Yankees then build them a new stadium under the condition that they become a minor league affiliate of the Yankees. The Tampa Bay Rays then become the Tampa Bay Steinroiders and win the AA championship.
After terrible ratings for the first two World Series games, MLB allows the use of steroids for the remainder of the series. A-Rod refuses to take them and still cannot hit in the clutch. In the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded and the Yankees down by a run, A-Rod strikes out looking on three pitches and the Yankees lose to the Cubs.
Just remember, this is an April Fools’ joke; none of this is going to happen.
Or will it?