How to fix the bad teams of Baseball: Hank Style

4_top_openbgIf you’re like me, you are still in shock over Bridget, Holly, and Kendra leaving the Playboy mansion. I think Kendra could do a lot better then Hank Baskett, hell she can turn around and find a better athlete.

Let me take your mind off the pain(yeah that’s a Major Payne reference)

Here are the teams that should either disband or pretend the 2009 season isn’t gonna happen: And how Hank would fix them

1- Washington Nationals-The nation’s Capital hasn’t been this gloomy since the British burned the White House in the War of 1812.

Hank’s Vision: Hank would lock every player in closet and bring in the the 1977 Yankees, not even Hank could win with this bunch.  

2- Pittsburgh Pirates- Pirates should be plundering, but this team hasn’t signed a major free-agent since BlackBeard roamed the seven seas.

Hank’s Vision: While donning a Pirate costume, ala Jack Sparrow, He forces everyone to walk the plank….Hank is just a sucker for role playing.

3- San Diego Padres-The Friars will have to pray harder. Enjoy Peavy now, because he’ll be gone by July

Hank’s Vision: Hank would battle the Padres Closer in a Wii Fit contest to see who would could last longer….Hank quits after 1 minute because of a lack of smoke breaks.

4- Seattle Mariners- Even the godsend named Junior Griffey will not help them navigate their way back into respectability.

Hank’s Vision: Hank asks Griffey who does he want to be remembered as, a Yankee or a Toledo Mud Hen….When Griffey tells him that he plays for the Mariners, Hank burns his arm with a cigarette

5- Baltimore Orioles- The only team on this list headed in the right direction.  Too bad they play in the toughest division in baseball.  Enjoy last place, at least Baltimore Harbor is kinda nice.

Hank’s Vision: His job here is done, his Yankees already pound on this team 18 times a season, its just time to kick back and pull out a carton of cigs and watch the beatings continue.

-Brenden

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